There is no way to see what will happen, and at the beginning of this stage in our lives, I had no idea that we would get to this point, or at least get to this point so quickly.
We were discussing what was to come next, and when I suggested that we work on his business plan, he said, "I'm never going to start a business, so let's stop that now". Apparently, he has NO confidence in his ability, which he DID have before.
So how can I help? Who knows. I don't know that I can swallow this. Honestly, it felt like he'd been lying to me all these years with no desire do be independent.
So, we start over.
Saturday, November 2, 2013
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
The First Week is Gone
There is still quite a lot of anger stored up inside this normally gentle man. He's lashing out unexpectedly, he gets quite angry about things that didn't bother him before.
He says he's come to terms with the lay-off, but he'll burrow down into some anger that seems to be bubbling just below the surface.
God bless him, he's trying to figure out what he wants to do now that he has the chance to change his life. In a perfect world, we would have enough money from all the stock that he purchased back when it was $42 a share, up to $102 a share. Unfortunately, all that he bought is now selling at $5.74 a share. You can't lean back on that. And you can only take $3K a year in loss. Guess we have to start selling that now or we'll never be able to get any benefit from all that loss.
MEANWHILE, back at the ranch, things are slow. Some days he apparently isn't even getting dressed. Other days he's up and out early. So, I'm not going to fret. He IS sleeping much better than he did over the last four months. He even mentions it. Then he'll digress into "but HE still has a job" kinds of comments. That was one uncomfortable dinner Saturday night. Two guys who were laid off and me. I truly didn't know what to say...or what NOT to say.
And so it goes...
He says he's come to terms with the lay-off, but he'll burrow down into some anger that seems to be bubbling just below the surface.
God bless him, he's trying to figure out what he wants to do now that he has the chance to change his life. In a perfect world, we would have enough money from all the stock that he purchased back when it was $42 a share, up to $102 a share. Unfortunately, all that he bought is now selling at $5.74 a share. You can't lean back on that. And you can only take $3K a year in loss. Guess we have to start selling that now or we'll never be able to get any benefit from all that loss.
MEANWHILE, back at the ranch, things are slow. Some days he apparently isn't even getting dressed. Other days he's up and out early. So, I'm not going to fret. He IS sleeping much better than he did over the last four months. He even mentions it. Then he'll digress into "but HE still has a job" kinds of comments. That was one uncomfortable dinner Saturday night. Two guys who were laid off and me. I truly didn't know what to say...or what NOT to say.
And so it goes...
Monday, October 7, 2013
Day One - The Search and Finding Center
We are NOW on the official first day of the unemployment/employment search/career makeover. I headed off to work, but he was up when I left. After receiving his regular WORK emails (his last day was Friday) all weekend, they closed his profile, so he no longer got those emails on his phone. He felt obligated (after 22 years, I think it was just habit) to respond to them in such a way that it didn't appear that he was still there, but didn't just flat out say, "I'm not there now!"
He has to determine where to file for unemployment. I think he can file where he worked. (we live in a community that spans a state line). Several folks I know who live in one state but work in another file in the other state (not the one where they live). He doesn't believe me. What can I say. I know nothing. I've accepted that.
I'd be happy if he cleaned or unloaded the dishwasher today. Most likely, he'll do some laundry and vacuum.
I can't begin to understand what he's experiencing. Yesterday there were some loud exchanges and then the rest of the day was silence. I don't know if I can keep myself mellow while he goes on this journey of self-discovery. I think this may be my outlet.
Brace yourself, Eppie, it's gonna be a bumpy ride!
He has to determine where to file for unemployment. I think he can file where he worked. (we live in a community that spans a state line). Several folks I know who live in one state but work in another file in the other state (not the one where they live). He doesn't believe me. What can I say. I know nothing. I've accepted that.
I'd be happy if he cleaned or unloaded the dishwasher today. Most likely, he'll do some laundry and vacuum.
I can't begin to understand what he's experiencing. Yesterday there were some loud exchanges and then the rest of the day was silence. I don't know if I can keep myself mellow while he goes on this journey of self-discovery. I think this may be my outlet.
Brace yourself, Eppie, it's gonna be a bumpy ride!
Saturday, October 5, 2013
Here Endeth The Employment
The big day has come and gone. Every day, he brought home files/books/his history at the company (these were NOT company files or property -- he even left the folders).
He said it was much better to do it little by little, rather than one huge move out. (It was better for me, too...I didn't have to act as pack mule.) The shock was less.
On Tuesday night, he composed an email to people who were important to him over the last 22 years at the company. He sent it out Wednesday night. By Thursday morning, he had multiple emails and cards. He had visits from folks who hadn't seen him since they started.
One guy he REALLY wanted to say goodbye to was out on vacation. About mid-day, he stopped by the men's room and as he left, he was pushing the door open, and there stood the guy who was on vacation, pulling the door open. He was stopping by to see him. (That sounds kind of weird, but it was weird in another way.)
They talked, he had lunch with several friends, some of whom were leaving, too.
The guy who was left in charge of the area hubby had been working in called him over and started picking his brain. He was asked questions that his former boss had never asked- she had been disconnected from the team for the entire time they were in place. Just a strange set up from the beginning. Kind of a "step closer to the door" if you ask me.
By Friday, as he was headed to HR to begin the process, one of his good friends, nearly a "brother from another mother", was also on his way. They kind of came into the company about the same time and here they were, leaving.
They kind of freaked out the HR ladies. I don't think they got to see a whole lot of people cracking jokes and making light of the situation like these two did.
He turned in the computer and left the campus one last time. It's a different company now than it was 22 years ago. But he's a different man than he was 22 years ago. Our lives are different. No kids at home, bills are minimal, and we can do what we want to.
Next: set up the company, sign up for unemployment, and determine where to go next.
He said it was much better to do it little by little, rather than one huge move out. (It was better for me, too...I didn't have to act as pack mule.) The shock was less.
On Tuesday night, he composed an email to people who were important to him over the last 22 years at the company. He sent it out Wednesday night. By Thursday morning, he had multiple emails and cards. He had visits from folks who hadn't seen him since they started.
One guy he REALLY wanted to say goodbye to was out on vacation. About mid-day, he stopped by the men's room and as he left, he was pushing the door open, and there stood the guy who was on vacation, pulling the door open. He was stopping by to see him. (That sounds kind of weird, but it was weird in another way.)
They talked, he had lunch with several friends, some of whom were leaving, too.
The guy who was left in charge of the area hubby had been working in called him over and started picking his brain. He was asked questions that his former boss had never asked- she had been disconnected from the team for the entire time they were in place. Just a strange set up from the beginning. Kind of a "step closer to the door" if you ask me.
By Friday, as he was headed to HR to begin the process, one of his good friends, nearly a "brother from another mother", was also on his way. They kind of came into the company about the same time and here they were, leaving.
They kind of freaked out the HR ladies. I don't think they got to see a whole lot of people cracking jokes and making light of the situation like these two did.
He turned in the computer and left the campus one last time. It's a different company now than it was 22 years ago. But he's a different man than he was 22 years ago. Our lives are different. No kids at home, bills are minimal, and we can do what we want to.
Next: set up the company, sign up for unemployment, and determine where to go next.
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
What I Want to be When I Grow Up
Last night, the hubs dropped a bomb. After working for 22 years and increasing in responsibilities, naturally, he feels he has to start from scratch. "no skills". "What do you think about me becoming a para-legal?" I seriously thought he was kidding -- along the lines of "Greeter at Wal-Mart" or "Taxi Driver". Nope. Serious as a heart-attack.
What am I supposed to do? He's now looked - fleetingly - at job opportunities. This change of events happened for a reason, and he's freaking out now. Perhaps he can spend $65,000 and get a $35,000 per year job is what he's thinking. You know, if it is really something he wants to do, then I'm fine, but if he's already grasping at straws, well, we're going to have a little problem.
We were going to have a run at a business, but now he's just jumping at "oh shit" level.
Where do I go from here. I am going to have to let him storm for a little bit, and if I mention that he should storm for a while, I'll just set him off. He's all about it's ALL about him now, and making me feel guilty if I don't embrace all of his flight paths.
I pretty much just wanted to throw up last night, thinking if I can't change this path, I can at least drop that last meal.
I don't think he's seeing the big picture. If he takes a job that pays so little, we cannot afford insurance, there will be no money for life insurance, and we'll be another one of those poor couples who can barely eek out a living until they die with no insurance and the other one has to go live with one of the children in a back bedroom only to go just a little crazy. Suzy-Freaking-Sunshine, eh?
Yeah, this is ALL about him and his well-being, until I'm the one who dies early and he goes nuts, or vice-versa.
What am I supposed to do? He's now looked - fleetingly - at job opportunities. This change of events happened for a reason, and he's freaking out now. Perhaps he can spend $65,000 and get a $35,000 per year job is what he's thinking. You know, if it is really something he wants to do, then I'm fine, but if he's already grasping at straws, well, we're going to have a little problem.
We were going to have a run at a business, but now he's just jumping at "oh shit" level.
Where do I go from here. I am going to have to let him storm for a little bit, and if I mention that he should storm for a while, I'll just set him off. He's all about it's ALL about him now, and making me feel guilty if I don't embrace all of his flight paths.
I pretty much just wanted to throw up last night, thinking if I can't change this path, I can at least drop that last meal.
I don't think he's seeing the big picture. If he takes a job that pays so little, we cannot afford insurance, there will be no money for life insurance, and we'll be another one of those poor couples who can barely eek out a living until they die with no insurance and the other one has to go live with one of the children in a back bedroom only to go just a little crazy. Suzy-Freaking-Sunshine, eh?
Yeah, this is ALL about him and his well-being, until I'm the one who dies early and he goes nuts, or vice-versa.
Monday, September 30, 2013
The Second Week, What Have We Learned?
We now have the separation agreement. Ironically, they notified him less than 24 hours before his 22nd anniversary with the company. So less than 24 hours gets him two weeks less severance pay.
It's good that this is a new start, a time for him to move to a new opportunity. Who knew that a new opportunity would be a good thing to us at this point in our lives.
I thought life would be more ... in control ... more settled.
This is as much a challenge for me as it is for him. A challenge of confidence, compassion, strength, and faith.
So...tomorrow, I get up and start walking. Hit the treadmill and burn off some of this stress. Now is not the time to ask why I haven't done more with my life. Now is the time to support him, get him back on his path, and get our future secure. Lord, I ask that you lift me up to be a better person, to be a stronger person, and to be nurturing to this man who has dedicated his life to me.
It's good that this is a new start, a time for him to move to a new opportunity. Who knew that a new opportunity would be a good thing to us at this point in our lives.
I thought life would be more ... in control ... more settled.
This is as much a challenge for me as it is for him. A challenge of confidence, compassion, strength, and faith.
So...tomorrow, I get up and start walking. Hit the treadmill and burn off some of this stress. Now is not the time to ask why I haven't done more with my life. Now is the time to support him, get him back on his path, and get our future secure. Lord, I ask that you lift me up to be a better person, to be a stronger person, and to be nurturing to this man who has dedicated his life to me.
Sunday, September 29, 2013
What Happens When Your Job Doesn't Need You Anymore?
In 1979, shortly after getting married, my husband lost his job. He was out of work for months. We stuck together and got through that storm - but not without some lasting fears.
Now, years later, it's happened again. We had actually decided that if the company did (yet) another RIF, we were prepared to have him accept it. The benefits would last nearly a year (which seems crazy - if they are paying him, why not just let him work??) which would give him some time to find a good job, not just grab at something. At this point in his life, he should be able to find something that makes him happy, that makes him feel like he's contributing, and that isn't insulting pay-wise.
We -- because this isn't just affecting him -- have discussed him doing some consulting work. He's been involved with customer service. Previously working with a call center that users could call in to resolve issues with their service, he knows what should happen at that level. He's created training modules for that. He has a deep belief that there is a correct way to handle customer service - and when he finds it happening RIGHT somewhere, he makes a point of telling them so.
I want to see him work for himself. He's able to work from home and put in more hours than most people spent in their offices. But how to do that?
Along with that, I'm experiencing fear, angst, and a bit of depression about it. I remember how he fell into a deep despair the first time this happened. I have to keep reminding myself that he isn't the same person he was. I can't seem to shake that old desperation, though.
He doesn't even have his separation agreement yet, and he has to have it reviewed and signed by October 4, so he has to be able to meet with an attorney AND keep working through this week. The stop sign is so very close.
This is going to be my journal of what's happening in this year. If you're reading this, I'd be more than happy to have your good thoughts, your prayers, or positive inspiration. He's a good man. He deserves to have things turn out right for him.
Now, years later, it's happened again. We had actually decided that if the company did (yet) another RIF, we were prepared to have him accept it. The benefits would last nearly a year (which seems crazy - if they are paying him, why not just let him work??) which would give him some time to find a good job, not just grab at something. At this point in his life, he should be able to find something that makes him happy, that makes him feel like he's contributing, and that isn't insulting pay-wise.
We -- because this isn't just affecting him -- have discussed him doing some consulting work. He's been involved with customer service. Previously working with a call center that users could call in to resolve issues with their service, he knows what should happen at that level. He's created training modules for that. He has a deep belief that there is a correct way to handle customer service - and when he finds it happening RIGHT somewhere, he makes a point of telling them so.
I want to see him work for himself. He's able to work from home and put in more hours than most people spent in their offices. But how to do that?
Along with that, I'm experiencing fear, angst, and a bit of depression about it. I remember how he fell into a deep despair the first time this happened. I have to keep reminding myself that he isn't the same person he was. I can't seem to shake that old desperation, though.
He doesn't even have his separation agreement yet, and he has to have it reviewed and signed by October 4, so he has to be able to meet with an attorney AND keep working through this week. The stop sign is so very close.
This is going to be my journal of what's happening in this year. If you're reading this, I'd be more than happy to have your good thoughts, your prayers, or positive inspiration. He's a good man. He deserves to have things turn out right for him.
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